Here's the story of my path to strength and to survival... (Submit Your Testimony Below)
Friday, December 8th, 2006 was the day my outer beauty was severely compromised at the hands of "Jay,"
a young man who lacked inner beauty. I was 5'4" 125lbs. I thought I was invincible and that something like
this could never happen to me. As a Christian woman, I thought I could change him, I saw the good in him. I had
taken so much off of him and done so much for him.
He was 6'1", 235lbs dark, handsome, beautiful smile, in a fraternity, and charming. After a failed 8
year relationship some months prior to him, it took me a while to finally trust again. In the beginning of the
relationship, he was pretty smooth, saying all the right things to get my heart involved. I remember
when he first told me he loved me, Valentine's day, I know it's cliche, but it's the day I gave my heart completely to
him. Not long after that, the drama began.
He began using me for money, emotionally abusing me, physically abusing me, and cheating on me. Don't get
it twisted, this didn't occur in one day, it gradually emerged and progressed over a period of a year.
I should've known from the signs he showed that he wasn't all there.
- He lacked communication skills.
- He was self-absorbed.
- He was no stranger to the criminal justice system (thief, evading law enforcement, drug seller)
- He came from a dysfunctional family...his father abused his mother "Apple doesn't fall too far from the tree"
- He had split-personalities (anger management issues)
- Never took accountability for his actions
- Committment Issues (with any and everything)-Never finished what he started (school, relationship, organizational
activities) never kept promises,
- Manipulative
- Menace to Society
- Disliked by many
- Even his Frat Brother and well-liked people in my community warned me about him
Yet and still, I loved him. I'm a Christian woman. As women, we tend to empathize and want to
nurture others. I even drove him to his Aunt's funeral. He left me with his mentally deranged sister and her best-friend
who had just gotten released from jail for stabbing the father of her child. Unfortunately, I was ignorant
of this at the time. They both threatened me in an isolated area when Jay wasn't around. He accused me of being
crazy and thinking I was better than him and his family. The fact of the matter is, I AM and he knew it.
As a matter of fact he would always make comments like this because of his jealousy for my accomplishments. I
discovered to never sell myself short for anyone or allow anyone to devalue my self-worth.
Signs are what I sought, but didn't take heed to what the Holy Spirit was showing me. The Devil doesn't like
to reveal himself, dressing as a wolf in sheep's clothing. He was my boyfriend for a little over a year.
I was granted an internship at a major Cable Television Network in New York City, and he wasn't there
to see me off because he was in prison for a prior conviction. Even in New York, I did what I could for him, feeling
sorry for him, monetarily and emotionally supporting him through visits, letters, and money orders.
During the year I was with him, I saw him go in and out of jail nearly 5 times. He came off as more
supportive of me when he was in jail than when he was out. (Jail is when they need you most).
When he wasn't in jail, he took me for granted; always begging for things, money, never bothering to
do for me or take care of my needs and wants. It may seem as if I'm belittling him, but that's not my point.
My point is to demonstrate that this type of person (Narcissistic Sociopaths) lack faith in God. In deed, he claimed
to be a Christian, but the tree will always be known by the fruit that it bears.
I was given an on-air segment at a commercial radio station. I was teaching a communications class to college
students. I was 3 months away from graduation.
On the night of of December 8, 2006, I got fed up, broke up with him, turned my cellphone
on silent, and went to a nightclub on campus. Little did I know while I was gone, he had called my cellphone a
number of time leaving threatening voice mails, and paid a couple of visits to my apartment. I had a classmate
of mine "Gabe" whom I'd just become cool with drop me off at home that night.
About an hour later, the Devil came knocking at my door. I opened it, and approximately between the
hours of 2am and 5am that night, Jay tried to take my life away from me. He pushed me into my bedroom
accusing me of having intercourse, though not in those exact words, with someone all night.
For nearly 3 hours, I was physically attacked and sexually abused by someone I thought loved me. I
remember screaming, pleading for my life. My voice became hoarse and my sense of touch was no more. He told me to get
on top of him and I asked him if he could at least use protection. His words, "No, this is what we do to hoes."
After intercourse, Jay called his mom. His words are still as clear as day to me..."Mama,
I just beat up the woman I love." I remember him giving the phone to me and her asking me do I want him to
leave and whether or not I'm going to press charges. I told her I just wanted him to go.
Like any other sociopath, he wouldn't leave. He wanted to stay, he had to have control over a situation
he no longer had control over. I passed out, then woke up an hour later, noticed Jay asleep, and attempted to run. Once
I opened the door and took off, I felt him behind me. I looked back, still naked from having his way with me, he
was wearing nothing but socks, chasing me down the hallway, dragging me back into my apartment.
Until Gabe came knocking at my door at 6am, claiming he'd heard a disturbing voicemail that I
left him that night. When he saw my face, he immediately struck Jay.
After the altercation, Gabe called the police. "Jay" fled with my car keys. He finally admitted
to taking them months later. The police and ambulance arrived. To my understanding, I was unrecognizable. I can
remember one of the medics telling me "God Bless You Child, this better be the last time." I looked at him in embarassment,
delirious, and still in shock, I just nodded my head and smirked.
A couple of weeks passed and I had to devise and give my students their final exams.
My mother helped me put my make-up on, bought me some "designer shades" and my family was pretty supportive. Though
they tried to hide their pain, it shined through as clearly as their love for me. There were times I had to drive
away from my house just to get away from the pain he was putting my family through.
Battered, confused, with no one to turn to but God; it took me 7 months to muster up the courage to invite him back into
my life. Why? Because I needed him to pay for what he did to me and to the people who loved me. I pretended
like I wanted to get back with him, somewhere in my heart, I did still love him. But I knew, only he could
change himself. Reluctant at first, he began to trust me. First telling me where he was, then inviting me
to come spend nights with him, and finally inviting me to a Basketball Tournament he was in.
Even after all his nonsense, I found out that he had me sleeping in one of his "girlfriend's" houses. This
was my last straw of abuse, period.
Utilizing the internet, at the end of July, I found out what court he was playing and what time at the Basketball
Tournament. I called the police, explained where to find Jay and the procedures to take when they proceed to arrest
him.
Afterall, Jay had already resisted arrest and got away once when someone reported him to the police for what
he did to me.
Not this time, this time, I had to chalk up my "loss", realize that he would never change, and do something that could
possibly help him. I had to put the man I loved so deeply, behind bars.
We wrote letters back and forth to eachother for about a month, until I got fed up and told him never to contact me again.
Don't get me wrong, I still wanted to be with him; however, I knew I couldn't because he would only continue to hurt me.
Even when he was in jail, he tried to justify his actions. Displaying once again his inability to accept responsibility
for his actions. He even asked me to write a letter to the prosecuting attorney stating that this was all
a misunderstanding. He assured me that if I said this, the sooner we would be back together. Still wanting
him, I wrote it. What could I say, I loved him, but as time passed, I became wiser.
I got on my knees and prayed to God for help. For closure. And then, I cut him completely out of my life.
I was lonely, depressed, and didn't know how I would manage. I graduated and had no job, so I had to go back home. I
can remember crying in my bed everynight for months on end, clenching my stomach from being in knots, rocking
back and forth, going through withdrawals(like a drug addict needing that fix). Even some of my friends withdrew from
me. Not because they didn't care, but because they were loss for words.
Around my birthday in August, I received the last letter from Jay. He never knew I'd set him up until I wrote
him back explaining I was the one who put him there. The prosecuting attorney as well as the defense attorney attempted
to contact me. I responded at times and then wrote them a letter stating I would appreciate if they nor Jay contact
me. A no contact order was imposed for Jay, the best thing that the justice system could've ever done for me.
Had it not been, I probably would've still been accepting his manipulative letters.
One thing he didn't realize, he couldn't take my spirit. I began exercising and restoring my faith in God.
I listened to Gospel and only to Gospel music. I went to church. I encouraged myself just as King David did.
I read the Bible everyday, and slept with the crucifix everynight. Finally, I called my mentor, a big
time Chicago radio personality asking her for advice on how to obtain a career in the media. I'd waited patiently
and done everything I could to get a career, even going to grad school just to get an internship
with a network television station.
After following her advice, by the grace of God, calls began to pour in. It took me from May-December to find
a career. And now I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. Though I still have love in my heart for him, I forgave
him, and I'm moving on.
Now here I am, over a year later, smiling, with my dream job, in a big apartment, and loving life. I
never thought I would make it to this point. I thought my purpose in life was no more. I thought God had
turned his back away from me. Little did I know he was preparing me. It takes two to be "in love". If
they're not helping you, they're hurting you. Love everyone, but remember, you can't love everyone close.
Some have to be loved from a distance so that they can allow God to show them.
At times we become blinded by love. We lean on our own understandings, one of them being "love". As
human beings, we have a tendency to operationally define love to meet our own selfish wants and desires, which can
overshadow our faith in God. The Bible says "lean not on your own understandings but always trust in the Lord
and he shall direct your path". So let's remember the definition of love, God is Love, just read Corinthians 13.
If you find yourself about to give up, don't. Just one more step, I promise, God will NEVER leave you. Even
when you think you're by yourself because you don't have that co-dependency of a lover, it's okay. I'm by myself and
I know that God is preparing me for my soulmate.
Remember, be PATIENT your deliverance is coming. God's value of you is far more important than anyone else's
(including yourself) view of you.
